Adventures in Pennsyltucky · patrick dot wagstrom dot net

It’s was a hot and humid weekend in Pittsburgh this weekend. On such a Friday evening what’s a group if mid-twentysomething married couples of graduate students supposed to do? Simple. Go see what sort of fun we can find out in Pennsyltucky!

This last week was the Butler Farm Show, and boy was it an experience. Apparently, everyone up in Butler goes to this basically every night, because it was packed. Admission was the bargain basement price of $7, plus $2 to get access to arena events. While that might initially seem kinda steep, it provided unlimited rides, which means quality time with carnies!

Of course, as liberal graduate students, we fit right in with our tiny Mazda3 and Bill’s Volvo station wagon parked between the rows of pick-up ktrucks with the extra tires in the back for pulling horse trailers, gun racks in the back window, and the occassional confederate flag bumper sticker. Once inside we could have easily been mistaken for the locals with their “If at first you don’t secede” T-shirts and copious amounts of yellow ribbons.

So why would a group of what is primarily environmental hippies (all the other grad students did stuff with the environment, I was the only geek) brave possible death and maiming? Two words, DEMOLITION DERBY!

Nothing is more relaxing than watching Pennsyltuckians take cars and beat the hell out of each other by ramming them at moderately high speeds. There were no flips or flying body parts, but profuse amounts of screeches, popped tires, and even a few little fires. It’s a little disappointing because the system is set up where it’s advantageous to be on the periphery and not that active. Frequently the winner of each round had just sat on the side of the arena until the refs began to count them out for inactivity. They need a better scoring system, so folks who really do damage, which of course the crowd loves, can somehow go on. Unfortunately, that means they would have to get their cars going again for future rounds.

There were three main rounds, where “fresh” cars were used. A fourth round featured second chances, where drivers from previous rounds who somehow could get their car going again after their round, could try again. The last two people driving and hitting from each stage then went on to the fifth and final stage. Unlike previous stages, there would be only one one winner. The last car moving was to be the winner.

In this spirit, the demolition derby ended with two cars banging the hell out of each other and chasing each other around the arena. Finally, the cars revved up and ran at each other head one to massive applause and a wonderful crash. And…a TIE?! WTF? The head on collision disabled both cards. They don’t even have ties in Hockey anymore. Nestor’s repeated appeals for hand to hand combat were rejected.

Without a doubt, we’re going again next year. It’s one of those things that would be hella cool to do sometime too.